He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Randomize
