found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
