I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
