Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
