If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
