Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
