It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
