I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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