I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
