I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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