so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
