Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
