1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
and you fell through a lawn chair
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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