I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
