I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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