if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i came on her dog
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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