it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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