He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
