why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
