In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
