I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
