whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
