God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
