I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
