I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
