Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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