is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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