I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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