I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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