your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
