The maid of honor just puked.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
