Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I don't deserve a penis
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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