dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
