I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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