if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
