Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
