I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
