Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize