i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
