Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
