I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Randomize
