My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
