I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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