dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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