Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
