How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
