this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I didn't notice because vodka
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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