hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
