it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
