the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
