So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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