My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
