I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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