hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize