Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
