i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
