Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
