Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
