A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
