drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
