I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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