my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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