My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
