you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
