he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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