i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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