Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
if only i could text you this smell
The best revenge is premature balding
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
