question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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