I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
