Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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