she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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