I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize