Got a toothbrush?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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