clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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