therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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