I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
