Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I should be sponsored by Trojan
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
