i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
