i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
