The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
