Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
