Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
