I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
