recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
