Just took my morning after pill in the library
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
