i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
