toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
