oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
