i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
