I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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