I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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