Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
