Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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