I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
