why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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