Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
