wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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