i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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