Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
