I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
