There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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