We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
