So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize