Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just cut my nipple shaving
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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