i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
