Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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