Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
